


Till he walks back into your life

by Bananas45



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AS ALL tHINGS SHOULD BE, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Cheating, Drinking, Everyone else just suffers the consequence, M/M, Rating May Change, Shiro and Keith are a mess, Sparring, This is really sad, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, inspired by Battlestar Galatica, no happy ending, no one is happy, origin story for Curtis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-23 00:29:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23002852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bananas45/pseuds/Bananas45
Summary: “Thank you for your cooperation” The Admiral clasps her hands and sets her face into a grim half smile. “You understand the sensitive nature of this don’t you?”Sensitive nature? They’ve lost their best and brightest. It threatened the future of space exploration full stop.“It seems however. That the fault was out there, not with us.” Iverson rubs his forehead tiredly. “That’s all, Petty Officer. Get some rest”Curtis blinks, salutes and stands. He’s by the door when, swiping his access card when he hears Sanda;“What the hell are we going to tell the world? Ships don’t just disappear...”“Pilot Error?” The government official says, stacking papers.“It would seem so”
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Curtis/Shiro (Voltron), James Griffin/Keith (Voltron), Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Past Lance/Keith
Comments: 15
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a bit random. It took me ages to write. It may take me ages to finish but I'll try and update. 
> 
> This is just my idea of Curtis throughout the story and how he came to know Shiro but it's really a Shieth story under it all, i won't lie. 
> 
> I hated the end of Voltron it's taken me a whole ass year to get over it clearly. I hated Curtis. I hated everyone. Everything. But then I started to draw these Parallels between it and this show Battlestar Galatica (which you don't need to have watched it)? Intricate Parallels that took over my mind. They basically compelled me to write this. 
> 
> if anyone else noticed the similarities please let me know. Hit me up. This is driven me mad for years. 
> 
> Maybe I'm projecting. 
> 
> Why am I still typing.

Curtis has always been aware of Takashi Shirogane. But then again, Who hasn’t. The man was practically a myth before he was, well, exactly that. He was beautiful, smart, probably the best Captain the squadron had ever had and a fantastic teacher to boot. Shiro had a beautiful boyfriend and a great social life. As talented in the air as he was smart on the ground.  
Curtis knew Shiro well but Shiro didn’t even know his name but for one reason or another. Curtis had always felt intimately close with him.  
Being a comms officer did that. He was so far removed from the situations Shirogane may have been in but his voice was Shirogane’s only link back to the ground and in some starry eyed kind of way Curtis had always thought that meant something.  
He’d been the last person to speak to Shiro before Kerberos took off.  
“All systems nominal. You’re good to go, Captain. Good luck out there”  
Shiro had laughed, his voice beautifully soft even over the crackle of the radio and hum of engines. It had made Curtis’ stomach melt.  
“Thank you, Control. We’re gonna need it.” 

And then, 

Kerberos was lost. Curtis was on duty when they lost contact. He’d tried desperately to find the signal but it was as though they were never out there to begin with. He’d gone for coffee. He’d only gone for coffee.  
“They’re...gone” He said. His hands up lifted from the keys like he’d accidentally forgotten to save an essay - if the essay was an entire multi billion space programme.  
“What the hell do you mean?”  
He’d missed Iversons question, too fixated by the empty board, not even registering a single spec of earth tech on the moon. Not even their fixed beacon, not any readings of any of the crew, of the ships.  
“Petty Officer! I asked you a goddamn question!”  
He’d checked the screen.  
“I-I don’t- they were there- I just saw-” Curtis blinked. Restarted the radar, desperately hoping it was a glitch.  
“Control, Kerboras” His crew mate, lead comms officer Specialist Jameson, was saying. “Control, Kerboras, respond”  
They’d exchanged a look, bewildered on confused.  
“Kerboras we’ve lost your signal. Respond”  
Iverson was shouting now.  
“Petty Officer”  
“Yes Sir?”  
“You mean to tell me you’ve lost the signal to our single outer rim space programme?”  
Curtis’ throat had closed. His whole world focusing on the situation, the ring in his ears. He was going to lose his job. He’d lost Kerberos. He’d lost them the mission.  
“I mean to-” Curtis blinked. “The radar signal pertaining to the kerberos mission has...Is...gone”  
Iverson looked ready to break something. Someone. Him, maybe.  
“It may not have been his fault, sir” The technician beside him said. “It may have been a navigational error, a pilot error, a mechanical failure-”  
“It could have been the gods for all we know but the point is we don’t know!”  
The whole operations room was deadly silent. The bleep of the empty board, the only noise.  
Curtis looked down. There was nothing. The radar stared at him, sweeping across the blank criss-cross of nothing and the comforting dot of Kerberos seemed as though it was never there at all.  
“Work on making contact” Iverson was already back at his station, calling the Admiral probably and the room erupts into action again.  
“Control, Kerberos. Respond” 

Forty eight hours later and a full investigation on, Curtis is cleared of blame. A painful interview with a government official, Iverson and Admiral Sanda, where he minute by minute breaks down what happened.  
At the end the man in the suit from the government official sighs heavily. Iverson can’t have slept and Curtis hadn’t had a chance between desperately re-establishing contact and trying not to get charged for somehow disrupting the mission.  
“Thank you for your cooperation” The Admiral clasps her hands and sets her face into a grim half smile. “You understand the sensitive nature of this don’t you?”  
Sensitive nature? They’ve lost their best and brightest. It threatened the future of space exploration full stop.  
“It seems however. That the fault was out there, not with us.” Iverson rubs his forehead tiredly. “That’s all, Petty Officer. Get some rest”  
Curtis blinks, salutes and stands. He’s by the door when, swiping his access card when he hears Sanda;  
“What the hell are we going to tell the world? Ships don’t just disappear...”  
“Pilot Error?” The government official says, stacking papers.  
“It would seem so” 

He only just makes it to the toilets at the end of the block before he’s shaking. It’s not that he’s upset. He’s just overwhelmed. No sleep, all this guilt and then the uncertainty of whatever has happened. How close he thought he was to taking the blame for it. It bubbles up and over like some horrible volcano science experiment. He clutches the sink.  
“Fuck...”  
‘Thanks, Control. We’re gonna need it’ That voice rings in his ears.  
He retches. 

Before a rescue mission is even suggested they hold a memorial service. It’s a messy affair. The first third of the hangar filled with the few friends and family that the Holts and Shirogane had. He sees Sam’s sister sobbing into her mother's chest. After that are officers like himself, pilots and mechanics and then behind them a bunch of fidgeting cadets. It’s painful.  
The picture they’ve used of Shiro doesn’t scream ‘Pilot error’ like every news stands and TV channel claims, like it should. It makes it seem so much like Curtis’ fault.  
“The tragic loss of the Kerberos mission was due to a crew mistake” Admiral Sanda states. “A formal investigation has been undertaken and although the circumstances may never be fully understood the mistake of one mission, of one pilot, does not undermine the efforts of the Galaxy Garrison nor it’s primary mission of space exploration. Kerberos may have failed but tomorrow's Kerberos will not. We learn from our mistakes. We don’t settle for them.”  
Classes are cancelled for the cadets and a day of mourning is called for the three dead crew men. It doesn’t seem like much but it seems to be all they can offer.  
Curtis doesn’t take a holiday, doesn’t even take the paid leave he’s offered after what happened. He barely sleeps. He’d seen it seconds before. He’d been gone for less than a minute. How could it just have disappeared?  
Pilots don’t fuck up that badly. No one fucks up that badly. You’d have to be a medling rookie to blow any evidence that a mission even happened out of existence.  
Iverson comes in with a bandage over his eye. The whole room seems to stifle a response.  
“As you were”  
Curtis scoots over to Veronica beside him.  
“What happened to the Commander?” He asks.  
An eyebrow raised and then a smirk.  
“Did you not hear?” She lowers her voice, leaning over to pretend to check something on Curtis’ control panel. “Some cadet went after him after the news about Kerberos...Got him real good”  
“A cadet?”  
“Yeah, one of Shirogane’s” Veronica shrugs. “Kid was a bit wild I heard. He’s been let go, obviously”  
Curtis wonders what the kid would have done to him if he’d known the whole thing happened under Curtis’ watch.  
What if he’d stayed. What would he have seen? What happened to them out there.  
“Will rescue operations be underway soon?” Curtis asks.  
“Rescue...Curtis. They’re gone. Hell, even if we could rescue them, what’s the last known coordinates? It’s as though Kerberos never happened” 

A year passes with very little hurray. The guilt over Kerberos eases. Even if it’s now used as a training exercise on how not to handle comms misunderstandings. Used as a rescue sim for cadets. It’s faded into mystery.  
Shiro still lingers in his mind. It’s impossible to forget him. An uneasy nostalgia that makes Curtis feel sick to his core sometimes fills him when he thinks of the last transmission before he’d headed for that moon. He tries to forget what was a silly crush on the garrisons golden boy but god damn it, the crush feels so dumb now. So embarrasingly dumb now that Shiro’s, well, gone. All the what ifs that would make him blush with how ridiculous they were because Shiro was beautiful and taken now wouldn’t happen because Shiro was dead.  
Most find Shiro easy to forget. Most find Sam and Matt easy to forget too, even if Sam had been in this very control room. Matt shared a barrack with Curtis once. They’d been away on the mission for so long that people had gotten use to missing them anyway. The loss had seemed so impossibly hard to grasp.  
Kerberos is the last thing on Curtis’ mind when the whole Control room erupts into combat status one night.  
It’s not Curtis’ fault this time though.  
“Contact! Upper atmosphere contact. Mark 237, bearing 238.”  
The voice startles through the quiet mull of the evening routine. People scramble to their stations. Curtis pulls up a screen and yes, sure enough, something blips across his radar. Codeless.  
Iverson and Sanda exchange a look.  
“It’s probably a downed satellite” Iverson chuckles.  
Sanda grits her teeth as the information comes through onto her screen. From where Curtis is sat he can see the colour flash across her face.  
“Put the station on stand-by. Redirect the current patrol to intercept. I want eyes on whatever this thing is now. If it’s one of our get me a recognition signal now”  
“Sir!” It’s the tech beside him “I’m getting a call from the Chinese base, they say- they say they have a UFO passing”  
“Control, this is Squad Leader”  
Curtis pulls his head set on. Even if hearing that voice still makes him feel oddly guilty. As though his thoughts about Shiro somehow quantify to anything. His Ex doesn’t even knows who Curtis is.  
Jameson, the Comms specialist, says.  
“Squad leader this is Control. We’ve got a UFO heading straight your way”  
“UFO? Like an alien?” Another pilot cuts in.  
Jameson looks lost for a moment before he blinks. “Wait for further command”  
He covers his mic and looks over.  
“Sir, what do I tell them?”  
Sanda looks lost for a moment until a voice, harsh but solid and in control, comes through the speakers.  
“Cut the chatter”  
It’s Adam.  
“Captain, sir! I’ve got a visual!”  
Iverson pulls on his comms set. “Report!”  
“Looks like uh...uh a pod? it’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before”  
The room seems to still as the realisation sets in. It’s alien. It’s an alien. They’ve got a UFO, confirmed in their atmosphere.  
“Get your heads in gear” Sanda snaps. “Put the place on Lockdown- I want eyes on that thing and I want it brought down. Specialist, make contact with the vessel”  
The control room is silent now and the back off admiral Sanda, white knuckled against the desk, makes them all nervous.  
“Has it engaged?”  
“Negative” Adam shouts, breathless now. “Negative. It’s acting...erratic. It’s fast, god, it’s fast.”  
She turns to comms.  
“Is it saying anything?”  
“Negative” Jameson says.  
“Check again. I wanna know if that thing so much whistles in a channel we know” Sanda snaps.  
“That’s the alert squadron ready to launch and I have the president on the line, Admiral” Iverson is beside her now and Curtis watches the sweat roll down his temple. The situation hits him but protocol blocks the punch. Keep a calm head. He’s trained for his. Even if, hell, nobody thought it would ever be necessary.  
An alert comes in over his data pad. It’s the lockdown report. He looks up; Sanda is on the phone, her head low as she talks to probably all the world's military leaders at once. The flashing light of ‘action’ is still going.  
“Lockdown complete.” He says, Iverson barely nods. He looks down again, sweeping across the register. “We’re missing three cadets-”  
“You think I give a damn about three missing cadets?!” Iverson barks. “Keep scanning that thing for anything close to communication”  
Curtis nods and Jameson flashes him a sympathetic smile. He searches every radio channel on every frequency and nothing, no chatter, no code. Nada.  
“Oh my god” It’s a navigation expert, his head shooting up from the chart below him. “This thing is heading straight for us”  
“Who says it’s a ship at all?” Iverson says. “Could be some...missile”  
Iverson holds his gaze. “I’ll call you back” She puts the headset down.  
Curtis checks again, even as Jameson looks on. Why would it communicate on any channels they know off. He looks back at everything that ship is giving up and sure enough there is something, as though it’s giving off some kind of code of it’s own. It’s faint and it would need some Sam Holt level genius to decipher but Curtis knows it’s saying something.  
“Is the ship saying anything?”  
And before Curtis gets a chance to speak, Jameson says it for him.  
“Negative”  
Sanda takes a deep breath.  
“Inform Squadron Leader that they are weapons free. Shoot to eliminate. We can’t have that thing crashing into us in one piece”  
Curtis stands.  
“No!”  
Sanda and Iverson shoot him a look. In fact the entirety of the room seems to pause to stare at his outburst.  
“It’s giving off a series of-of something, it’s constant, it could be communicating” Curtis spins the screen with a flick of his wrist. Jameson looks over as Iverson checks.  
“That could be a faulty energy reading” Jameson scoffs. Curtis rounds on the Admiral.  
“Or it could be a distress call. Admiral please, with all due respect, we can’t shoot down our only proof of alien life. Furthermore if we engage we could anger it-”  
Sanda’s look alone stops him speaking.  
“You realise you are endangering all our lives?” Sanda holds his gaze. Curtis doesn’t quite know how to respond and then he does, suddenly it’s the easiest thing in the world;  
“Yes, sir”  
“You realise you are endangering the lives of all the young cadets in their barracks right now?”  
“Yes, sir” Curtis feels his heart in his throat, feels his whole body start to shiver a little.  
“On the hope that these...this, thing” She points at the reading. “Could be trying contact of some sort?”  
“Call it instinct, Admiral. We shouldn’t kill it. Not when we don’t know what it plans to do to us” Curtis swallows. He’s going to lose his job.  
“Then step aside, Specialist Jameson and congratulations, Petty Officer. You just got promoted”  
Jameson stands and steps aside. A look of sheer bafflement on both his own and Curtis faces before it settles into quiet resentment.  
“Can you respond to that thing?” Sanda asks.  
“I can try. It won’t mean much. I don’t know what it means”  
“Try. Meanwhile tell the patrol to bring it down” She nods at Curtis. “In one piece”  
She puts her comms back on and Curtis realises with a sinking feeling that he’s in charge now. It’s gone in a flicker as training takes over.  
“Squadron Leader, This is control. Engage target but do not destroy, bring it down a few clicks of the Garrison” He says.  
“Rodger that, Control” Adam says.  
And then everything goes quiet with orders given. The noise of the Pilots chatter the only thing that fills the room as they wait to see the outcome.  
“Jesus- this bastards good” He hears Adam say. “Control! This thing knows what it’s doing. It’s like- it’s like it knows our formations”  
There is a spatter of gun fire.  
“No hit. Alright everyone form up on me-” The comms link crackles. “Whatever this thing is, it’s one hell of a pilot”  
Silence, except for the odd grunt reigns until Adam gasps; like full on gasps in a way no Captain of anything ever should. Curtis tries to stop the shake of his hands. Tries not to think things like ‘have I just doomed humanity’  
“God...did you see that?” He shouts.  
“I saw it!” A pilot answer.  
“Squadron Leader to Control. I-I’m locked on for a shot and its slowed down like-” Adam’s voice breaks a little “like Garrison protocol surrender. I’ve never seen anything like it...”  
“Do you have a clear shot?” Sanda says, tone waspish.  
“Yes but-”  
“Then take it, Squadron Leader” Sanda looks over to Iverson. “Prepare five ground teams to go to the site immediately, marines and medics and I want a gag order on the press asap, you understand?”  
Iverson turns to leave.  
“It - how could it know our - This doesn’t make sense Admiral”  
“I’m not asking you to make sense of it, Captain. I’m asking you to follow my orders!” Sanda snaps. “Take the shot”  
Curtis cringes, keeps his head low.  
There is a burst of gunfire.  
“Squadron Leader to Control...” Adam sounds wrecked. “Target down”  
“Rodger that. Return to base Squadron Leader.” Curtis hears himself say though his voice is just as shaky as Adam’s.  
He guesses you can only be a rookie for so long.  
Jameson gives him a half hearted glare. 

“Just take the details”  
Curtis didn’t sleep that night. Between screening calls from concerned parents asking why their kids were calling in the middle of the night to confused world leaders asking for explanations of why UFO’s were spotted across their skies.  
The room he’s currently in is a brutal white. An interview room just down from Iverson’s office. No windows. Nothing except a gurgling water cooler in the corner and a tense atmosphere. Sanda, Iverson and him - senior comms officer now and in charge of taking notes in this meeting, somehow more nerve wrecking then the actual events of the prior day.  
“Nothing leaves this room” Iverson informs him. “You did good last night, Specialist. Don’t fuck it up here”  
“Sir” He croaks. His water sits untouched as a plethora of systems analysts, navigation experts, metal experts give their accounts, their professional opinions with curt and to the point explanations of the events of the previous night. Curtis is bored by lunchtime. Bored until a black eyed medic sits down with a pained grunt.  
“Can you explain with as succinctly as you can the events that took place between the hours of 23 hundred and 01 hundred last night” Iverson makes a scribble on the page. Curtis stifles a yawn.  
“I was part of the first response team. The body we removed from the crash was uninjured, suffering from a mild concussion and distressed. I can also confirm the body was that of pilot Takashi Shirogane” The medic clears his throat, as though the idea is just so stupid he struggles to say it.  
Sanda and Iverson just nod, clearly already aware who it was. Curtis’ hands pause on the data pad. Takashi. The pilot was Takashi. The pilot of some alien craft that Adam downed over the desert had Takashi Shirogane in it. Curtis feels like the world spins of it’s axis.  
“State that again for the record, first responder” Sanda says curtly.  
“The downed pilot was Takashi Shirogane”  
Curtis takes a brief breath, steadies himself and writes it down.  
“Can you tell us about the state of Pilot Shirogane?”  
“He was running a temperature of 47 degrees, it was a miracle he was conscious. He didn’t know how long he’d been gone for. His heart beat was way above normal. He was close to ripping the buckles so we were going to sedate him. His arm was some kind of prosthetic” The medic says. “Light weight. We were going to take a look at it but of course…” the medic trails off awkwardly “He kept talking about some kind of alien invasion. He was...Out of character to say the least”  
“And from here, can you explain to us the events directly following your sedation of Takashi Shirogane” Sanda taps her pen against the paper under her.  
“From there, a unknown man entered the containment facility, attacked fellow first responder Sergeant Lewis, Myself and Paramedic davidson and when I awoke both the suspect and Shirogane were gone”  
Curtis types but tries not to think. Tries not to think how he stopped them shooting Takashi Shirogane directly out of the sky. Who on earth would then kidnap him? How could they have known?  
One question at a time and before that his job.  
“Can you describe the assailant?”  
“He was wearing a mask however he was a medium build, lean, black haired and wearing a red and white jacket-”  
“Jesus christ” Iverson says, paling as he scrubs his face in what seems like disbelief.  
“Something the matter, Commander?” Sanda looks annoyed for a moment.  
Curtis wonders if he should document those exact words.  
“I’ve a pretty clear idea exactly who that is” 

“I don’t really understand what you’re telling me”  
Squadron Leader Adam sits, back straight and eyes stern opposite them. His face is still shiny with sweat, he clearly has come straight from a debrief and from that probably straight from the cockpit. The room is tense for his one in a way it wasn’t for any of the others. He guesses it’s personal for Adam. He cringes at the thought.  
“Did you have any contact with Takashi Shirogane post-'' Iverson asks, tone cold and professional against Adam’s rising temper.  
“Takashi is dead” Adam snaps, eyes harder now, posture unapproachable. “Admiral what is this-”  
“And what about former cadet Keith Kogane?”  
Adam blinks, mouth opening just a little.  
“Keith? No...I haven’t spoken to him since...” Adam cuts himself off. “What the hell is this about? I thought you wanted a report on the mission last night not a detailed account on my fucking dead ex”  
“Language, Squadron Leader” Sanda snaps her fingers and Adam seems to deflate.  
“The pilot of the recovered space craft you intercepted last night at 22.50 was former Squadron Leader Takashi Shirogane” Iverson states as though he was reading a systems report on a faulty engine.  
Adam goes silent. The hologram projection of the clock behind them ticks by and counts the time it takes for the words to settle in.  
“Given your personal connection to the pilot I’d ask that you -”  
“You didn’t tell me before this? You thought you’d just ask me into this meeting and tell me” He looks at Curtis, a stare that makes him choke on the water he’d just lifted to his lips. “On the fucking record something like this - I-I shot him out the sky...I-I almost - Where is he now?”  
“Calm down, Captain” Sanda gets her wide eyed, overly authoritative tone on. The one that gives Curtis nightmares.  
“I won’t fucking calm down. How long did you know?! God this is insane...” Adam puts his hands in his hair. Iverson speaks over him.  
“However in the early hours of the morning Shirogane’s detail was attacked and he went missing”  
Adam looks like he’s short circuited. Curtis can understand; Shiro’s gone, Shiro’s back, Shiro’s gone. It’s like pulling petals from a daisy.  
“This is a joke...”  
Curtis would agree if he hadn’t documented the same story a hundred times through different people. This however, is not like most people's accounts. It’s raw, like a scab that almost healed being opened.  
“So you sent him up there?” Adam demands. “You sent him up there and you lost him. He comes back and you goddamn lose him again?! I told you - I told you that thing knew garrison protocol! I said so and you didn’t fucking listen-Hell! I told you he was ill-”  
Ill? Takashi was ill?  
“Watch what you’re implying, Captain” Iverson barks.  
“I can’t believe this...I can’t fucking believe it”  
“Control yourself, Squadron Leader or I’ll take your wings” Sanda snaps finally and the weight of what she’s threatening silences the room.  
“It’s believed Keith Kogane was the one to break him out”  
Adam’s jaw squares.  
“Off course...” he murmurs and then laughs, eyes falling closed. “Off course”  
“Have you had contact with Keith Kogane since the-”  
“No, no and I don’t like what you’re implying. I had nothing to do with this. Whatever Keith fucking Kogane wants to do , he can do but I haven’t spoken to, haven’t seen him - wouldn’t want to - since Shiro- since, Shirogane...” Adam trails off and looks for a moment, so utterly bitter, borderline betrayed.  
“They were close? Shirogane and Kogane?”  
“Close...” Adam looks pained, Curtis notes and for some reason his hands still, for some reason the tone, the way his says it makes Curtis notice. It’s so unprofessional, so deeply un-adam like to show even an ounce of emotion, farless showing so much in just one word.  
“Yeah” Adam says and sniffs, rubbing his nose, it’s slowly going red. His cheeks are too and his eyes squeeze shut. 

“They were close” 

By some miracle, or some curse, he runs into Adam in the mess a day later. His glasses are in his hair, the heels of his palms pressed into his eyes. He doesn’t look up as Curtis enters. It’s late and everyone is in bed but the last few days are weighing on him and he’s clearly not the only one.  
“Sir” He says and Adam gives him a nod in response before he pulls his glasses down.  
“H-hey” he sounds wrecked, quiet and unsure. “You’re that comms officer....”  
He nods as he pours himself a tea before he just stands. Adam blinks rapidly and motions to the seat beside him. He sits and the clock puncuates the silence.  
“Can-can you tell me about the report?”  
Guilt spikes through him.  
“Oh-oh I’m really not suppose to-” He waves his hands frantically.  
“Please” Adam says, voice cracking. “Just...I can’t get my head around it. I can’t stop thinking about him...about what he said that day...about any-”  
“About what he said? Shiro said something?”  
Adam’s smile is sharp and twisted. “Not fucking Shiro”  
Iverson?  
Adam’s eyes fall shut and his head falls dangerously close to the table.  
“Just- Just answer me this. It was Keith - Kogane, Cadet Kogane, Who broke him out?”  
Curtis can only nod. “Wh-what- Can I ask who he was?”  
Adam lets out a ragged laugh and something close to betrayel crosses his features. “You can ask”  
Silence spreads between them before Adam laughs again.  
“God he was right. He was right” 

Routine is a useful thing. He wakes up at 05.00, cleans his teeth, goes to the gym, picks up breakfast from the mess and heads to his post. He scans comms channels, relies reports, talks to lost Pilots, bored Pilots and screens calls through to Iverson.  
He doesn’t find anyone- which means he’s had one boyfriend since college but that’s okay who’s counting, not Curtis- but he decides maybe love and work shouldn’t mingle and he doesn’t exactly see many people outside work.  
He makes a lot of friends from the Garrison control room and his bunk mate and him stay up watching re-runs of 20’s cartoons and tv shows.  
He is for the most part happy.  
Sometimes he wakes up thinking about that night when Shirogane fell to earth. Sometimes he wonders what happened to him and other times he thinks of how fucking attractive one dead man can be. Sometimes he talks to Adam but never about that night and never about Shiro. 

Routine isn’t disrupted when Sam Holt returns to earth. He still gets up and he still goes to the gym. The exact details of what exactly is going on are vague at best. Secrets for boardrooms he doesn’t have the clearance for.  
Routine barely changes when Sam Holt tells the world about the Galra and about Voltron. Even if it shakes Curtis to the core, knowledge that Takashi- that Shirogane is alive and well. Sure, his unit gets upgraded significantly. Suddenly he’s talking to a group of cocky cadets who think they’re hot shit. Not that Curtis minds. But in terms of genuine world changing events, the idea that a war could be coming with a massive alien race, is a hard one to grasp.  
Sanda tells them nothing. Curtis understands more of the situation from a leaked video than he does from his senior officer and maybe that should be unnerving but he’s so very good at compartmentalizing.  
His father had told him if he joined up he’d never be welcome home again. It was the idea of the steady income, the lack of war, how the Garrison had such amazing ideals and dreams. International yet so...American. Maybe it had been the dream or it had been his naivety or maybe it had been the poster boy cadet ‘Takashi Shirogane’ with his all Garrison face and form that made him completely disregard his father's words. He’d done a double degree. A masters in Astrophysics - a necessary for the Galaxy Garrison - and a bachelors in communication. He didn’t do the whole joined up at fifteen thing like the pilots did. He did a job.  
It was just where that job was that was the problem.  
His father calls him after the Holt’s broadcast.  
It goes about as well as he thought it would.  
“You said this was a phase Curtis. Your mother wants you home. God you’re so young. You have your whole life ahead of you-”  
“We’re not having this conversation again” He says.  
“We’ll have this as many times as we need to”  
Curtis leans against the wall, hand tight against the receiver.  
“Christ, what do you think will happen, Dad. I’m a comms officer for a space exploration branch! I’m not fighting wars. I-It’s all precaution” He drops his voice to a hiss as two pilots pass him by, a bunch of cadets following them through the private quarters.  
There is silence and for a moment Curtis wonders if his father disconnected the line.  
“I just wanted you to say you were proud” Curtis murmurs. A laugh on his tongue as he swallows back something worse.  
“Well, I’m not” 

He doesn’t think it will be the last time they talk. If he knew that he wouldn’t have hung up. 

“So Voltron huh?” 4  
It’s a quiet day, Curtis scanning for noise, any sign of ‘the galra’ and the alert fighters are performing an upper atmosphere patrol. Curtis lets their chatter be the background music to his work.  
“Yeah, Five lions that make a person. I can’t imagine Keith Kogane being a cohesive part of anything. I had the kid for aerodynamics for half a year”  
Curtis rubs his eyes.  
“Yeah and Shirogane, that’s so weird. I heard he has a robot arm-”  
“Alright” It’s Adam’s voice, surprisingly harsh. “Cut it out. We’re on patrol not good morning America”  
“Hey Squad leader, Didn’t you use to date Shirogane? What will you say to him when Voltron comes back” It’s mildly mocking, just the hint of a tease.  
Adam is quiet for a moment.  
“Adjust your position, Wildcat. You’re all over place” 

Curtis imagines what he would say quite a lot. How he’d drop it into conversation.  
“Hey, Shirogane. I’m a comms specialist. You don’t know me but I actually, funnily enough, was the minute taker for the investigation into your disappearance. I also convinced Sanda not to shoot you out of the sky when you crashed that one time. I’ve kind of got this weird crush on you too. You free tonight?”  
Shiro would probably politely decline with a very stunning smile.  
In every variation, however, the world hasn’t ended. 

He should have accounted for that.


	2. Chapter 2

He doesn’t remember the day it happens clearly. He remembers garbled commands. Launching fighters with a knowledge they won’t come back. He remembers Sanda screaming, Iverson and Holt trying to control the situation and failing. He remembers threats of court martialing.   
He remembers the fatalities report coming through. It pings up across his screen.   
It’s in the billions.   
They’ve lost contact with most of the world.   
It’s not panic that over takes Curtis when he’s sent on break after the initial attack -it’s sadness. It’s so much loss.   
He splashes himself with now rationed cold water, pulling his uniform open and his tank top down.   
“Jesus…”   
He thinks of his father, of everything they said. His mother, his brother, they’ll be numbers on either side now. Numbers on the dead or numbers on the alive. He can’t think how they would have survived or how he’ll ever find out.   
Hell, he might not even make it to tomorrow.   
The thought makes him grow pale, his reflection in the mirror is twisted and wrong, warped somehow and then he realises with a jolt; he’s crying.   
He can’t be angry. He has no one to blame. They knew this was approaching but known of them had been able to grasp the scale. Holt’s speech only placated the fear for moments at best and then he was sending out Garrison codes on all military channels and receiving nothing in response.   
Nothing at all. 

Voltron lands way too late. 

Curtis isn’t part of the detail that meets them. He isn’t even there for the debriefing. He barely sees the Paladins - which is to be expected, the Garrison is a large place and there are only five of them. He meets one of the Alteans. He sees a big fucking dog appear and disappear but other than that. He only hears about them.   
When he does finally meet Shiro it happens in a rushed moment while they wait for the Paladins to reach their lions - all jargon Curtis has to adapt to quite fast.   
He’s giving orders. Lots of them. To Iverson, to Veronica, To Coron- coroth- Coran? And then to   
“Sorry I...Forgot your name” Shiro says. Curtis just blinks for a moment, tongue caught on the roof of his mouth.   
“Uh-I don’t think you ever knew it”   
Veronica shoots him a look that hards to decipher. Shiro just laughs, a little tense given the situation and his eyes linger. He’s praying his blush doesn’t show as much as it burns.   
“Curtis” He answers.   
“Okay Curtis. I want a full report on the Garrison arsenal” 

Shiro and Keith Kogane make a formidable pair. Curtis only knows because they spent a lot of time in the gym together. Keith doing incredible feets of athleticism and with Shiro spotting him. The spar at ungodly speed after they are done working out and as Curtis benches 20kg he watches Keith spend two minutes in a one handed hand stand, breath stuttery as Shiro does pull-ups with chains attached.   
When they spar the fight dirty. Keith uses his feet more than any Garrison instructor would ever allow and Shiro has a tendency to use sheer force to unbalance Keith’s unnatural agility.   
The two of them don’t talk too much, a tension is heavy between them that Curtis can’t interpret but they are never there apart. He watches one day as Shiro’s shiney arm catches the light and then Keith’s ankle mid air, throwing him hard onto the mat. Keith’s eyes widen on impact as he groans.   
“You okay?” Shiro offers a hand. Keith rolls over onto his knee.   
“Good” He pants. 

Shiro is not like Sanda. They don’t lead the same way. Shiro acts while Sanda thought and Curtis tries not to think of all the Garrison rules Shiro breaks when he leaves the bridge to attempt a suicide mission onto an enemy ship.   
But at the same time, Curtis will admit, it’s incredibly attractive.   
When the whole world begins to fall apart and Curtis says his final prayers.   
“What do we do, Captain?”   
And in response Shiro power-rangers transforms their ship into a robot. Yeah, Curtis’ heart is gone. But it shouldn’t be. He tries desperately hard to control it.   
Because what he sees in the aftermath, through the celebrations and the cheers is how Shiro leans down next to Keith Kogane. Sliding his hand through the boys sweat soaked bangs. The report he has to hand over somehow feels like lead in his hand.   
“You look like hell, Paladin” He says, leaning on the stretcher as Keith gets an IV in his arm. He lets out an almost growl of a laugh.  
“I save your ass again and that’s the thanks I get” Keith leans back, stifling a groan. “Don’t have too much fun with me out of action”   
Shiro cracks an exhausted smile.   
“Fun? No, restful evenings? Maybe...uh, easy interactions. Knowledge my orders will be followed- Ow!”   
Keith lands one on his chest even if Shiro catches his wrist.   
“Captain?” A nurse says, tugging a little on Keith’s gurney. Shiro nods quickly, flushing a little and then running a thumb over Keith’s cheek before withdrawing fast as though he’s been burnt. Keith’s eyes lose their edge and the humour.  
“Shiro…” He says and Curtis has never heard his name like that before.   
“Get some rest Keith” He says gently before he turns tale. Curtis watches Keith’s head hit the pillow a soft ‘fuck’ on his lips.   
Shiro is a heartbreaker, whether he means to be or not. Curtis saw first hand what he did to Adam and he watches what he does to Kogane.   
But watching them makes Curtis love Shiro more. The idea that someone could look at him the way Shiro looks at Keith. He’s not an idiot, contrary to popular belief or the look Iverson gives him whenever he blushes at things the Captain says or does. He doesn’t need to be told that Shiro is effectively taken because you’d need to be dead not to notice the connection the two black paladins have. 

“It’s probably a-a metaphysical connection” Veronica says one day while they brush their teeth side by side.   
“Veronica” He says tightly.   
“Lance says they’ve never... been together, together y’know?” She continues, voice dropping a little.   
Curtis washes his hands.   
“I’d really appreciate it if you don’t matchmake me with the Captain '' He says as curtly as he can.   
Oh but what a match. It would be amazing to get even half a glance from Shiro. Frankly he hates himself for even thinking about this when they are preparing to take off into space for probably the rest of his very short life but that’s what makes him want to give this whole ‘crush on Shiro’ thing a shot.   
But he can’t. He can’t bring himself to get hurt - because he will get hurt. Whatever intergalactic long game Kogane and the Captain are playing has probably hurt hundreds of hopefuls just like Curtis. 

He’s on the treadmill when Keith ‘living thunderstorm’ Kogane comes in. From his demeanour if the door hadn’t been automatic he probably would have kicked it down.   
Curtis suddenly curses the late night gym plan but leaving now would draw attention to himself.   
They leave for outer-space tomorrow to fight an unknown enemy. He’s scared and yet somehow he’s terrified by being along with Kogane.   
It’s not Kogane could possibly know what he’s feeling but it’s the idea. It’s like he can feel it like static. The thrum of the treadmill and the pap of the boxing bag fills the empty space.   
He glances to see a tear drop of sweat swing from the silken thread of Kogane’s bangs, caught halfway across his forehead as his barefoot, stretched across a taunt muscled leg, impacts against the bag. His chest heaves, covered in a Garrison Galaxy issued tank that stretches across the expanse of his defined stomach. His arms pulled up to a fighting stance, wrapped in his gloves. His eyebrows knit together in concentration, mouth in a soft ‘O’ as he expels air, cheeks pulled in from the puff out, pulling at the burn across his cheek.   
He hadn’t had that before, Curtis is sure. His picture had been everywhere that day in the meeting.   
In the moment between seconds, just as Curtis plans subconsciously to look away, Keith’s eyes find his, with the slight raise of an eyebrow and inhumane reflexes. He forgets Keith isn’t human.   
The moment is broken.   
“What the hell was that back there?”  
A voice makes Curtis almost fall off the treadmill. He decides to ignore it. It’s painful and embarrassing that he’s here for a front row seat to one of their rows. He takes a sip of water to pretend like he really doesn’t care.   
“Oh-” Keith pants, doesn’t stop his flurry off right hooks. “Glad- you- you could join me, Captain”   
“A fight with Iverson?” The captain says and Curtis is blushing just at the mere idea of being basically alone in the gym with the man.   
“It wasn’t a fight” Keith stops and turns to Shiro. Curtis tries not to watch. “It was a civil discussion”   
“He’s your senior officer” Shiro’s eyes are stern.   
Keith bites his lip and shakes his head, fist coming back against the cloth bag hard enough that the metal groans in protest. Curtis flinches. Shiro doesn’t.   
“Then you are too right?” Keith steps forward. “You going to order me, Captain?”  
The air seems to buzz. The two of them seem to communicate on a level that Curtis can’t even taste.   
“Keith” Shiro says and it seems to be like an off button. “I get it. I do-”   
And an on button apparently. Keith bristles.   
“Nope” Keith says. “You don’t. I hate this place, I hate these people. I fucking hated the garrison and now-” Keith goes back to the punching bag, the metal keeps groaning. “Here we are, back here, with these fucking idiots with their protocol and their rules and god damn Griffin in my fucking face and everyone is happy and I have fucking nothing” Left hook. “Left” Right hook. “Here”   
The metal breaks and the bag goes flying. Shiro doesn’t even so much as flinch. Curtis almost eats shit on the treadmill. Do the two of them destroy gym equipment on the regular? Was this a thing? Keith just punched that open with his bare fist.   
“What are you trying to say here Keith?” Shiro sounds frustrated, voice strained. “I’m pulling all nighters to get this thing running, I’m doing everything I can. What- What do you want from me here?” He laughs.   
Keith rounds on him. He buzzes beside Shiro’s calm, as though the air around Keith shimmers like a desert horizon from his emotions. Curtis can’t quite tell what those emotions are.   
“You said to spend today with the people you love”   
Curtis watches Shiro stiffen.   
“I did”   
Keith clicks his tongue, eyes darting to the floor. “I thought...I just-Look,” Keith decides to change the subject, his hand pointing “I don’t know if this crew can hack this. This is saving the universe not some Garrison training sim.”   
Shiro steps forward, arms touching either side of Keith in a movement that is effortlessly intimate. Curtis watches how Keith’s lip opens, how the fight leaves him for a moment. They’re effortlessly perfect. It’s almost soul destroying.   
“Hey-hey, Keith” The concern is layers deep, it’s a tone he’s never heard Shiro use on anyone. “What’s this about? Really about?”   
Keith eyes flicker and then land on Curtis.   
“Specialist” He snaps and for a moment Curtis swears he can see fangs under the clench of Keith’s jaw.   
His treadmilling abruptly stops.  
“Sir” he says, voice oddly shaking.   
“Clear the deck” Keith snarls.   
Shiro’s head shoots between the two of them, confusion on his pretty perfect face. Curtis doesn’t need to be told twice. He watches as he grabs his water bottle and towel, can’t help but watch even as he leaves. They continue even as Curtis leaves.   
“What the hell was that about?”   
Keith growls in irritation. “I just want to talk to you”   
“Keith-” Shiro’s hand goes to his shoulder.   
“Don’t touch me! Just stop it! You ignore me and then you use these cheap fucking tactics on me like i’m a fucking pet-” He shrieks, eyes screwing shut as he steps back, breath laboured. “I spent years...years with a man who wasn’t you, who I trusted and-and lo-” Keith cuts himself off. “And god, I still care-”   
Shiro’s voice when it comes is oddly cold.   
“I get it Keith. I get it. You left because I said you should and you blame yourself but you also blame me-”   
“Don’t act like you know-”   
“I do!” Shiro shouts, voice harsher than Curtis has ever heard it. “Because I’ve been inside your head, Keith. Because I’ve seen through your eyes. Because I know you and I’ve always known you and I’m sorry but we have a job to do-”   
“God that’s all it’s ever about with you” Keith laughs. “That’s all it’s ever about”  
Keith steps forward, Curtis watches how his eyes darken, dangerous and inhumane.   
“I get it, why he left, Y’know” Keith snarls. “ Adam would’ve-”   
He’s at the door when there is a resounding slap. Curtis whips around as the door slides open, watching how Shiro cups Keith’s jaw to check the damage, shoulders tight. Keith gives him a wild smile before shouldering past.  
“I’m sorry” Shiro says softly. “God, Keith I-”   
Curtis watches the way they look at eachother, charged and almost spiritual. It makes him sad, more than anything else. It makes him think of Adam.   
‘Close’ The way he said it. The bitterness in the tone. 

“I knew him”   
Shiro looks up, the shift rotation is changing and they happen to be walking to the door at the same time. Shiro looks around, eyes distant. He must be exhausted and for a moment he feels unfair for choosing this time to spring it on him but then again, every day could be his last out here.   
“Sorry - uh - who?”   
Curtis just smiles, kind of weak, a little pathetic. “Adam”   
Shiro’s eyes widen and then settle into something sheepish.   
“You’re from the- The uh, gym? Look, I’m so sorry about Keith he gets, well, he’s not a team player - he- he is obviously, because he’s the leader but you-”   
“I get it” Curtis says but he doesn’t. “I just...I remembered you two were together -”   
“We were never together” Shiro says sharply, hand motioning.   
Curtis stops, gut twisting at the tone.   
“No - no not Kogane. You- you and Adam? I just, we are in space and about to die and all I can think about is how you should um, get some closure, sir” It’s not a lie, just a fantastic excuse to get alone with him.   
Shiro pauses, eyes scanning Curtis’ face. Guilt bubbles through him as Shiro blinks.   
“Do you wanna get a drink?” 

By that all he means is a bottle of moonshine in the mess. They sit opposite each other and if they weren’t in space and warm with booze that might be cleaning his insides, then he’d honestly have been shocked by the similarities between this and his conversation with Adam. He isn’t sure where to start.   
They talk pleasantries, talk about space, about the academy days, until silence spreads between and Shiro looks on a little expectantly.   
“So-so Adam” Curtis tries. “God I feel dumb. We-we really only spoke once, just after the debriefing when you were broken out. He was a mess… If I’m honest I was getting bored, it was a long day hearing about your escape” He laughs and Shiro gives him a gentle smile. “But um, Adam was angry. He made things interesting”  
Shiro bites his lip. “If there was one thing Adam hated it...it was being out the loop”   
I told you he was ill rings in Curtis’ head for a moment but he ignores it.   
“He was... The one to shoot you down” He goes with.   
Shiro laughs softly, hands tight around the mug, 50/50 coffee and something stronger.   
“Yeah, I know…” He shuffles before lifting one hand, tilting it. “He has this way of flying, I knew it was him instantly. He can’t keep himself straight when he’s nervous, tilts off to the right just a little. Hell, it made his aim totally accurate for some reason-” Shiro cuts himself off with a laugh. “But god he use to get shit for it in the academy”   
Shiro leans forward, all openness and kind crinkles at the side of his eyes as he reminisces. Curtis just leans on his palm, entranced.  
“Oh my god, we use to run these training sims together for cadets and this-this kid points it out as Adam’s doing this speech on frickin’ I don’t know...Anyway he use to get so flustered and self righteous about- pheh - anything and he’s talking about straight aim and flying in unison and this kid goes ‘but that’s not how you fly’ -”   
Curtis lets out a chuckles and Shiro gives him a knowing look. “Yeah well, he railed into that kid for about 20 minutes uninterupted until the kid has tears in his eyes”   
Shiro’s smile drops a bit.   
“He um, He was a harsh teacher but a good one”  
“He was different on Comms too” Curtis smiles. “You were kind of chatty...I felt like I knew you” He blushes, he can’t help it.   
“Oh” Shiro sits straight. “That’s funny, I felt like I knew you too. Good to put a face to the voice”   
Curtis moves forward, emboldened by alcohol. He puts his hand over Shiro’s. Shiro looks down as the cup hits his lips, eyebrow raising.   
“That day, I was on comms...I knew you were trying to communicate-”   
Shiro tilts his head.   
“Communicate? No - It’s just the Galra energy readings. I was out of my mind. Hell, all I knew was that Adam’s slow on his turns and- Why are you laughing so much?”   
Oh. oh.   
He can’t get the words out at first but when he explains; Explains how he was there that night, everything from his point of view, Shiro laughs with him.   
“At first it’s all terrifying and-and then I’m picking up these readings! But-But the specialist at the time he going ‘that could be a dodgy energy reading’ and I’m standing up, everyone is silent and I’m thinking ‘I’m saving this aliens whole ass life here!’-”   
Shiro barks out a laugh that turns into a snort. Curtis stares, overcome suddenly by how surreal this is. It’s here, it’s happening. He’s talking to Shiro like they’re the friends he always imagined they were.   
“Sanda promoted you on the spot?” Shiro wipes his eyes.   
“Then and there! It was insane” Curtis pauses, smile slowly dying. “But well, crazier things have happened since?”   
Shiro smiles in return, equally as sad.   
“How did you do it?” Curtis asks suddenly, imploring almost. “I feel like I’m falling apart”  
Shiro swallows.   
“Take it day by day, sleep when you can- Hell-” Shiro stops, rubs his forehead and laughs. “Why am I talking to you like you’re a cadet? Adam used to say that all the time…”   
Curtis watches as Shiro’s cheeks go red, then his nose, just over the scar.   
“That I can be so domineering and patronising. Back then I always thought well, I know best” He smiles, even as a tear rolls down his cheek. “Now, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing half the time. I’m in no place to give any of these people advice…” He wipes his eyes quickly. “Hell i’ve barely been corporeal recently…”   
Curtis opens his mouth to say something but isn’t quite sure if Shiro is being metaphorical or not.   
“I think that’s why you’re so perfect for it” Curtis says finally. Shiro smiles softly, eyes glancing just for a moment to Curtis’ lips. “You’re a really, really good leader”   
His heart hammers wildly in his chest, tongue itchy from drink and cheeks hot from Shiro’s gaze.   
The door opens and Shiro’s gaze slides past him.   
“Yo”   
Fuck, fuck it’s Kogane.   
Curtis turns. He’s stood in the doorway, barefoot even though that metal floor must be icy under foot. In turned up sweatpants and a loose T-Shirt. He spares half a glance at Curtis.   
“H-Hey” Shiro says and he sounds so happy. As though Keith’s mere presence ignites something in him.   
“Wanna spar?” Keith says, gaze undeniably hopeful.   
“Oh bitter about last time?” Shiro leans back. “What is it? 10- 6?”   
“I think it’s 10-8” Keith’s eyebrow quirks.   
“Not as I recall” Shiro gives him a grin. “Besides, Kogane, I go easy on you”   
“Easy on me, huh?” Keith snorts. “Mm, Sure. You keep believing that Shiro. You try not to think of that time on the moon where I decked your ass in under-”   
“What moon?” Shiro asks, smiling still in his voice but the confusion is evident too. Curtis tries not to seem like he’s watching a tennis match.   
“Oh y’know-” Keith pulls his hair out his face, putting it away in a tight bun even if a strand falls out. It shows off his sharp cheekbones, milky skin, huge scar. Shiro’s gaze falls on it and the room temperature seems to drop.   
Curtis can’t help but look between them now.   
Neither seem to breath.   
“Maybe...Maybe you wouldn’t remember actually” Keith says gently, knuckles trailing the strand of hair out of his face and covering the scar in the process.   
Shiro’s eyes don’t leave it though and he looks grief stricken for a moment.   
“Y’know I’ll-I’ll take a rain check on this one, Keith”   
Keith’s indigo eyes fall shut, his tongue balancing on his teeth.   
“Sure”   
He leaves and Shiro watches him go, eyes distant before he looks back at Curtis and takes a swig straight from the bottle between them. He winces softly and stares at the door.   
“I tried to kill him” He says into the silence. Tone unreadable.   
Curtis’ jaw drops.   
“I gave him that scar”   
And the two of them still play this dance. Moths and flames and everything Curtis finds unbearable. No, just hasn’t ever experienced. He’s never felt anything like what he’s feeling for Shiro and it doesn’t hold a candle to whatever is going on between the two of them.   
“Oh” Curtis says, hands around his own mug. He feels too nervous to swallow, too scared he’ll do something to stop Shiro opening up to him like this. “B-bad day, huh?”   
Shiro gives him a tense smile and nods, eyes still on the spot where Keith was.   
“How do you even talk to someone after something like that?” He says, almost to the air and Curtis isn’t sure if he expects an answer.   
“Things seem...complicated between you two” He says tentatively.   
Shiro blows out his cheeks.   
“Yeah, you could say that much”   
He gives him a tight smile and Curtis finds himself beaming back.   
“You’re good to talk to in person as well as in the air, Curtis” Shiro smiles and stands. “I’m gonna call it a night. Lemme know if you ever wanna chat again”   
Curtis bites his lip.   
“Got it, Sir” 

He waits till Shiro’s gone before he exhales and grins like a mad man.


	3. Chapter 3

Their signal was bouncing of a decoy. A decoy and Curtis didn’t re-check the codes and now he thinks he may die. The paladins survive obviously.   
The meeting was bad. After the initial debrief on the events of the day Shiro gives a soft and deadly;   
“We don’t make mistakes like this again”   
Before eyeing Curtis with something that goes past a glare. He can barely swallow between the guilt and the embarrassment.   
Iverson continues a daily report, clearly his throat. He doesn’t need to apologise. No-one does. They are at war. Shit happens but he still feels so bad.   
“Food supplies are running low, we’ll need to stop and get some more, should only be about a day or two-”   
Shiro balances his chin on his hand, bites his lip and nods. Iverson looks around.   
“You’re exhausted, sir. Take a break, after everything that happened I think-”   
The door flies open.   
“You son of a bitch, you-”   
Kogane throws his helmet and his knife on the table.  
“Paladin” Shiro barks, standing with a grace Curtis can’t ever imagine having. “Watch your language”   
Keith’s eyes widen in shock and settle into fury.   
“Alright Captain, have it your way” He pulls the knife out the table. Curtis’ eyes linger on the hole. “I’m glad you’re all gathered here considering the fact it’s everyone’s fault. Where were you all? Did everyone decide to take a fucking holiday? Do you understand now why I hate this shit? Because the garrison is sloppy and beaurocratic and incompetent-”   
“Keith-” Iverson tries.   
“Save it!” Keith snarls. “Sir, save it”   
Shiro just watches closely, as though he’s trying to see the best approach. Keith’s eyes are slitted, his movements harsh but agile.   
He’s kind of beautiful like this, Curtis realises and he knows Shiro must be thinking it too. They’d be screwed without him, all dead likely. He’s uncontrollable, a wildcard and everything the military is taught to hate and they’d be dead without him. He has every right to be angry. They let him down.   
Curtis let Keith Kogane hot shot pilot and literal head of humanities saving grace almost die.   
“Kogane you are pushing it-” Shiro snaps.   
Keith bites his lip.   
“You-” He growls. “Coming down onto that planet, I nearly god damn died and what do you do? Fucking nothing. After everything I’ve done for you, everything we’ve been through, you throw me under the bus like that? You get this ship and this crew and you leave me for dead-”   
Shiro’s gone sheet white, he swallows, staring at Keith like he’s just been shot.   
Curtis can’t stand it.   
“That’s your superior officer you’re talking to, Kogane. Speak like that again and he’ll put you in the brig for insubordination”   
He isn’t sure what possessing him to say it. Maybe it’s anger, anger that Shiro lets him act like this or anger at the fact Shiro has to let him act like this. Anger at the fact even now there is more to this than meets the eye. There always is with them. Angry that he’ll never be in on the secret that is their relationship.   
“What the fuck did you just say to me?”   
Keith’s tone makes him instantly regret it.   
And suddenly Shiro is breezing past him straight to Keith, grabbing the boy’s bicep. Curtis tries not to look as utterly terrified as he feels.   
“Don’t. Don’t do this. Not here, C’mon Keith” Shiro is saying, more of a whisper into his hair than any real threat. “C’mon let’s go talk about this, okay?”   
Keith looks between the two of them. Eyes wide, cat like and burning.   
“Walk away, Keith”   
Shiro turns him, hand on his back as he marches them both towards the door.   
“Just walk away”   
Keith does, turns on his heel and begins to talk to Shiro all quiet and solemn and he hears Shiro murmur, right into Keith’s cheek.   
“I’m sorry, God I’m sorry”   
They leave and the tension goes with them. Leaving himself and Iverson in a state of shock. 30 seconds pass before Iverson lets out a heavy sigh.   
“He’s always been like that” Iverson rubs his scar aimlessly.   
“Ah, so I’ve heard” Curtis pushes papers together. Ignoring the tremble in his hand desperately.   
Iverson sits forward. “But he’s the best damn pilot I’ve ever seen. He’s had it tough, tougher than the rest. I’ve read his file. Years out there, alone. However many more he’s gone through in space...Well, Shiro’s always had a soft spot for him. He’s never given up on that kid”   
It’s not that he doesn’t like Keith. No, he respects him far too much for that. It’s that he loves Shiro and watching them together makes him ill.   
“They care about each other” Curtis says softly. “They were alone in space for so long…”   
Iverson shakes his head as they head to the door. “It’s more than that. It always has been. It’s personal...Well, who knows what is true. Rumours spread fast between pilots, Hell, half of it could be lies”   
Curtis tilts his head.   
“What does that mean?”   
Iverson gives him a look that’s hard to decipher.   
“It’s not my place to say” 

He walks into the bathroom at 03.00am - space time - to start a morning shift with the expectation to find it empty but it isn’t.   
Griffin - one of the pilots is there - leaning against the sink as none other than Kogane brushes his teeth, toweling his still wet hair.   
“You’re a beast you know that? Hell, if I’d known you weren’t fully human I wouldn’t have gotten so upset by all those fights you won”   
Keith rinses his mouth and splashes his face.   
“Those really had nothing to do with that” Keith smiles softly though it’s tense at the corner.   
“You’re a badass space warrior now, look at you”   
Curtis drops his towel. Keith’s eyes meet his in the mirror. He gives a brief nod. Griffin is still talking even if Keith seems not to be listening.   
“Hey though, Uh, Kogane” He lays a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “Last night was fun. We should do it again sometime”   
Griffin sweeps his hair out his face and gives Keith a grin. Keith just shucks off his T-shirt, using it to dry his face.   
“Maybe” he says, non-committal but not cruel. Just blunt. Keithish. Is the only Curtis can describe it.   
Griffin’s face falls but he hides it behind a soft groan.   
“W-well i’m on morning patrol so...I’ll catch you at lunch maybe?” He turns on his heel, taking one last look at Keith before he passes Curtis.   
“Specialist” He murmurs. Curtis smiles back.   
Keith throws on a tank top as Curtis washes his hands. He feels Keith’s gaze but he refuses to look up, refuses to be intimated.   
“Hey”   
It makes him jolt. The quiet shattered, the tension like a punch to the gut. He turns to Keith.   
“Sir?”   
Keith slides on his uniform, beginning to do up the buttons.   
“I was out of line a few days ago” Keith doesn’t make eye contact but he does sound genuine.   
“Sir you don’t um, need to apologise really-” His throat croaks. He doesn’t know what to say. He must be flushed to his ears.   
Keith pulls his hair into a ponytail and doesn’t react just closes his eyes and takes the hairband out from between his teeth.   
“No, I do. You were just doing your job...it’s not you I’m even angry at” He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “Anyway, I didn't mean to bite your head off in front of your superiors. That was unfair”   
“Thank you, Sir”   
He turns tail, grabbing his toiletries.   
“Wait!” Keith barks and he turns back, tense and heart pounding, throat dry and ready for Keith to say ‘Gotcha’ and sock him or ‘I take it back’ or anything.   
“You uh, forgot your toothbrush” Keith hands it to him, bemused and probably wondering why he didn’t even use it.   
“I’m late” He says, even though Keith didn’t ask. 

Well. Shit. 

“Did you ask Kogane to apologise to me?” He asks once he gets to the bridge. Coffee in one hand and star system layout in another, Shiro looks over and marks something down.   
“I hinted it” Shiro says, soft glee in his voice. “He did?”   
Curtis puts his datapad down and rolls his eyes but he can’t help but laugh. “I cannot believe you. You have any idea how embarrassing it was?”   
Shiro smiles a knowing little smile.  
“What did he say? Did he mention that I asked?” Shiro takes a sip of coffee.   
“He just said he was out of line”   
“Out of line” Shiro whistles between his teeth and grins. “I can imagine him saying that”   
Curtis groans “Urgh! Is this a game to you?!” He’d be more mad if Shiro wasn’t laughing so god-damn much. It’s cute and this, this feels so personable. Curtis will take what he can get. “I’m not sure you notice but we’re in the middle of a war, Captain”   
“Oh wow” Shiro turns and puts a hand on Curtis’ shoulder. “You’re starting to really sound like Keith”   
Curtis gapes and points a finger, retort ready before he smiles. “Stop it. Stop it”   
Shiro bites his lip to stifle a giggle. “It’s a good thing. I promise. He’s not scary”   
Curtis snorts. “He’s fucking terrifying”   
Shiro just shakes his head and checks his watch.   
“Keith’s temper is...something else but he’s got a heart of gold under it”   
Curtis settles at his station. “I’ll believe it when I see it, Captain” 

He sees it. 

For the first time in a long time, according to another paladin.   
They’re laughing, almost hysterically. Whispering to each other as they load crates of fresh supplies into the hull. They’d been lying in the sun earlier, the yellow paladin crouched beside them and Veronica’s brother lying on Keith’s lap, throwing flowers at Keith every few minutes.   
It had made Curtis feel so cold. Feel so out of place. They don’t them. That family, those five. He’s got nothing on the time they spent with Shiro. Regardless of how many little jokes they share on the bridge.   
“You have grass in your hair” Shiro is shouting.   
“You’re going to make me drop these boxes you complete asshole” Keith is saying as Shiro balances them on his shoulder, free hand trying to get at Keith’s face.   
Shiro gets it before dropping four boxes on the ground and spilling some bright liquid everywhere.   
“Great!” Coran is barking. “Do you have any idea how much gylupsy goes for on the black market?!”   
Keith and Shiro’s face school themselves as Coran stares them down. Keith points an accusatory finger at Shiro before he gets a finger flick of blue onto his face. They collapse into uncontrollable fits of laughter. Coran just rolls his eyes.  
Veronica is passing by with Lance, he joins them because watching those two kind of makes his heart hurt a little. Even if he isn’t owed anything.   
“Are those two always this annoying?” Veronica asks, shucking supplies up her back.   
Lance just smiles, another one of those secret paladin smiles, one that makes Curtis feel left out.   
“Oh when they’re on good terms, yeah” Lance says. “When they aren’t though, it gets cold”   
Curtis swallows.   
“And are they good now?”   
Lance watches them closely, squinting. “They’ve been iffy since...Well a lot happened between them. They talked, they talk as much as they can but it’s- Keith got hurt, he got hurt bad and I don’t think Shiro knows what to do about it”   
Veronica looks over to Curtis.   
“Seems like Shiro has a lot on his plate” She raises her eyebrows.   
Lance snorts.   
“Yeah, he always does”   
Curtis has no idea the full extent of their relationship and it’s painfully frustrating. He knows he’ll never have Shiro. He knows Keith has too much of a hold on him for that but just the idea is enough to make his heart sing. The man he’s crushed on for years now, who he’s working under is now, well, almost his friend. He should be content with that. He is content with that.   
“I’ll never understand them” Lance sighs to Veronica. “They need a room, like a huge one”   
That still hurts to hear though.   
Veronica blushes and looks quickly over to Curtis. “Uh yeah I mean but they’re not...together”   
Lance smiles and for a moment there is a sadness to it Curtis recognises all to well.   
“Not officially but they...Well, they’re just Shiro and Keith, I guess” 

Their moods constantly swing between fights and special quiet moments. Curtis isn’t sure day to day, hell, sometimes hour to hour. What is going on between them. The more time he spends with Shiro the harder they are to understand. Their little inside jokes, their little inside arguments. They spend a lot of time alone together. It drives him mad. It makes him feel...It makes him feel like Adam. 

“What did these pads ever do to you, huh?” Shiro jokes breathlessly.   
He’s trying to ignore them as they spar. Keith throwing hard punches into Shiro’s covered palms.   
“You’re pent up” Shiro is saying as he pants softly. “You need some action-”   
Keith punches his arm instead of the bag.   
“Ow - I meant in the field, you’re getting all antsy” Shiro says gently. Keith rips the gloves off with his teeth.   
Keith nods absently and smiles as he begins to stretch.   
“Griffin is, on the subject, um…”   
Shiro looks over from where he’s putting the stuff away. Curtis tries not to watch the minutiae of his face but he does so anyway. Something akin to jealousy that merges with guilt and a friendly openness Shiro always has.  
“Oh yeah?”   
Keith folds over his leg.   
“Yeah I think... He seems to think we have...chemistry”   
Shiro gently pushes Keith’s shoulders until his chest is flat against the mat. “Do you?”   
“Uh, I don’t...I dunno. I don’t think I wanna get physical with anyone”   
Shiro’s hands are absently stroking Keith’s back, down his spine. It’s funny how that sentiment clearly doesn't apply to Shiro.   
Curtis keeps going on the leg raises even if he can’t help but be entranced by what their conversation.   
“Ever?” Shiro asks, soft and humoured.   
“Ever” Keith groans.   
Silence spreads between them for a moment before Shiro looks down at Keith under him and bites his lip.   
“I’m sorry” And he sounds so broken, so utterly wrecked that it makes Keith bolt up and turn.   
“Sorry? Sorry for what- N-no. Don’t be”   
Their voices have dropped. Considering how they aren’t alone and a few officers are doing half assed box jumps in the corner and blasting techno.   
Keith smiles, a little weak and utterly fragile. “It wasn’t you”   
“You thought it was” Shiro says. “And-and I watched- I had to”  
Keith’s eyes flutter as he grinds his teeth.   
“He got into my head alright. Fucking worked. I trusted him”   
Shiro nods, aimlessly before his eyes go distant, lost in thought.   
“He sure as hell was a better spotter” Keith says, joking tentatively in a way that makes Shiro push him over.   
“Better my ass, How dare you, Kogane”   
Curtis feels, under it all, the tension between the two of them over whatever this is. Whatever happened. It plagues everything they do. 

He would be taking advantage to try and get with Shiro. He would be taking advantage of them both. 

And yet he doesn’t say no when they set foot on that alien planet and Keith goes away. 

Keith isn’t petty enough to bring up the clear day thing and Curtis isn’t petty enough to bring up how much it felt like a date. How it was a date.   
“Your first alien planet huh?” Shiro had said, sparkle in his eyes. “Let me do the honours”   
Him and Keith are on another low after a fall out about something or another he heard down the grapevine and they’re strictly co-workers now. Curtis knows he’s sloppy seconds. Knows keith went of the second Shiro invited him to relax. Curtis knows and he still goes with him.   
It’s later that night he’s walking with Shiro, the carnival raging around him. They find a quiet spot where Curtis feels less overwhelmed.  
“Thank you”   
Shiro looks over.   
“W-what for?”   
“Letting me into this little world of yours…”   
Shiro’s confusion turns soft.   
“Sometimes I feel like there is this bridge between us and you guys, Y’know the paladins” He feels dumb, voicing it. “And it’s cold, out here, not being able to just give eachother a look and understand everything the other is feeling...”   
Shiro’s eyes turn a little cold. He looks out towards the horizon, wind blowing his hair.   
“You mean like me and Keith right?” He sighs.   
Curtis feels his stomach drop. God, he knows what he’ll be reminding Shiro off. Constant nagging, questions about the nature of their friendship. Is it ‘just’ a friendship?   
“Shiro- No, I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t care what goes on between you two!”   
That catches Shiro’s attention.   
“You don’t?” He sounds uncertain.   
“No, god no, I’ve been into you long before I realised Keith Kogane existed” He lets out a soft snort as he says it. Before he realises exactly what he just said.   
Shiro looks shocked.   
“Oh” he says gently.   
“Sir, oh god, uh Shiro-” He hates himself. He hates himself so much.   
Then Shiro laughs, soft and unguarded. Even if it is not funny at all. It’s just dreadful and painful and awkward. Curtis buries is head in his hands.   
“I cannot believe I just said that”   
“Believe me, it’s not awkward” Shiro says. “And It changes nothing professionally and you’re good. It’s fine”   
He pats Curtis’ shoulder before they both collapse into fits.   
“Wow what-what a confession.” Shiro says gently and then their eyes meet. In the light of the carnival he sees so much colour in Shiro’s gray eyes, so much there. He cups his cheek, brave and sudden. Shiro doesn’t back out.   
He leans forward and gives Shiro the softest, driest kiss.   
Heart thundering and cheeks flaming.   
“Thanks again for uh-” He holds up the gold belt. “Giving me this to hold or- or whatever”   
Shiro smiles, touching his lips for a moment.   
“We should do this again sometime, Specialist” He says. 

“It’s a date” Curtis smiles and weak kneed, walks away. 

He gives his heart to the world’s hero and expects he doesn’t have to share but at that point it’s not the biggest mistake of his life. At that point, it felt so goddamn perfect.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've hated up to here. I'll warn you, it gets worse.

If them being together makes any sort of difference to Shiro and Keith’s relationship it doesn’t show.  
If they are even together. The odd kiss, late night hand holding, shared smile over briefings. It’s not like they’re dating. It’s just kind of nice. Curtis likes it, it’s slow, sure but it’s safe. He thinks Shiro deserves something that isn’t as crazy as the rest of his life.  
They don’t tell the crew not because they don’t want to but because it seems redundant to announce it and technically there is a no fraternising rule somewhere in the books that should at least look like it’s being upheld, vaguely.  
It’s perfect for a little bit. They begin to share bunks sometimes, all soft and lingering kisses and really, really good sex and then they go to work. Curtis covering hickeys and blushing madly and Shiro giving him looks and chuckling softly.  
It’s not like Curtis cares about how close Shiro and Keith still are, he really doesn’t and he’s never going to be the person partner that brings up overly close friendships. It’s just the whole ship still watches Keith and Shiro like they’re the hottest reality TV show out there. 

Maybe because they are. 

Keith is in the boardroom when he walks in, balanced on the desk. One leg between Shiro’s in a way that makes Curtis flush even though it shouldn’t. He chats about positions and tactics and Shiro stops him to move a strand of hair out his mouth. Grimances at how wet it is.  
“Don’t chew that. How many times do I have to frickin’ tell you”  
“You get on my case about the smallest things you know that?” Keith cracks a little smile.  
“You’ll get hairballs” Shiro says. Keith gives him a look, admonishing. “Seriously it happens to people all the time”  
He rolls his eyes.  
“Anyway, I think if increase the cap by another lion -”  
“Two birds and a lion?” Shiro says. “You’re gonna be exhausted in a week from that many rotations”  
“Well we keep getting hit and this place isn’t-” Keith looks up and elbows Shiro a little. “Specialist” He says.  
Shiro looks up. “Oh hey, you”  
“Last night's report” Curtis says and he hates that it comes out bitter. Don’t be that person, don’t push him away over this. They are friends, they are friends, they’re really close friends.  
Keith gives a look between the two of them and just as the door slides shut on the other side he hears Kogane say;  
“Trouble in Paradise?”  
“Don’t you start” Shiro mutters. 

Veronica asks him first.  
“So you and the captain” She shimmies her chair over and gives him an eyebrow raise.  
“Oh yeah, us…” Curtis says.  
“You’re not being very subtle” She says before she takes a sip of his water. He ignores her. “Is it good?”  
Curtis pauses. It is good, it’s better than good. It’s fantastic. So why does he feel so anxious.  
“I feel like an idiot most of the time and out of my league the other half” Is all he manages to say out loud.  
Veronica’s hand lands on his shoulder and she takes off her glasses, putting them back into her hair.  
“He is happy with you” Veronica says with a finality he has to believe. “Take it from someone who also feels like a dumb little human with their significant other. He’s just looking for someone to look out for him...Make him feel a semblance of normality”  
Curtis shakes his head. “I-I don’t know if I’m good enough for that”  
The pressure of it makes his chest feel heavy. Shiro’s happiness in the palm of his hand.  
“You don’t need to be ‘good enough’ for anything. You just need to be you, Curtis” 

Sure.

“What are we playing?” Shiro laughs and looks at his cards.  
“Cambio” He shuffles the cards. “It’s kind of complicated but I promise it’s fun”  
Shiro leans on his palm and takes a sip of the whiskey.  
“Ooh, wow” He coughs. “Where- how do you have this?”  
Curtis gives a sheepish smile. He remembers the day he was given it. So long ago, back when he was still in college, still pursuing academia. He’d turned 21 and his father had gifted him it. The best of the best.  
“My uh, Dad gave me it” he says. Shiro’s gaze lands on him. That way he does where he knows a story is behind it, all soft smiles and open ears. Curtis shrugs. “Y’know when we were on good terms. I think it deserves to drunk before the universe ends or whatever”  
Shiro puts a hand on his, warm and comforting. “It’s not going to end”  
He pauses and lifts his glass. “To your dad”  
Curtis shudders and pulls his hand back, bile rising in his throat. “Sure”  
Shiro gives a smile that seems to fully understand everything. His hand covers Curtis’, large and warm.  
“Is he okay?” Shiro asks. A polite ‘did he make it’.  
Curtis clears his throat. “We had to take documents to the military office after the attack. They were processing survivors...I’ll be told one way or another once they know.”  
“I’m sorry” Shiro murmurs. “Really”  
Curtis nods, takes a shot and lets it burn behind his eyes.  
“Well” he changes tone. This is a date technically, even if they’re just in the ready room playing cards. He doesn’t wanna be the one to ruin the mood. Shiro shifts in his seat as he gets dealt cards. “I’ll explain the rules”  
“Is this a competitive game?” He asks weakly, scratching his chin. The tone is hard to read and Curtis tilts his head in puzzlement.  
“No, no - check your outer two cards -” Curtis taps them. “It’s just a bit of fun, it doesn’t have to be competitive”  
“Here, I’ll write the values and what the cards mean” He grabs a postit note the next table over and explains it all, over extending on the stool and almost tipping it.  
“But I don’t know what you have?” Shiro checks and purses his lips.  
“If you think you know, you can try and take one if it comes up in the deck” Curtis says, a sly smile on his face.  
Shiro cocks an eyebrow.  
“I have a queen” He says as he pulls from the deck.  
“Red or black?”  
“Black”  
“You can see one of mine and one of yours and swap it if you want” Curtis leans back as Shiro looks at his hand, then Curtis’ with a look of such sheer concentration on his face that it’s nothing short of adorable.  
“You, uh, You said a red king was good?” Shiro asks, sheepish and annoyed.  
Curtis purses his lips. “Yeah it’s good”  
Shiro narrows his eyes and swaps Curtis’ card into his deck.  
“Well, I know what you have”  
Shiro grins, blush high on his cheek bones. “Well, I could have been bluffing”  
“Well, I’m sure you are” Curtis says.  
Shiro bares his top teeth. “I think I hate this game”  
“I think you are taking it way too seriously”  
Curtis pulls a two and slides it into his hand, flipping out a 6 of spades in the process.  
“Shut up, Specialist” Shiro mutters.  
“You’re cute like this, Captain. I won’t lie”  
Shiro smiles and rolls his eyes. “Mm...I’ve forgotten all my cards. You son of a bitch”  
Curtis grins. “It wasn’t my intention” 

Watching Shiro be confused about losing is a funny thing.  
“Stop-stop it. You don’t have a two- Shiro stop flipping cards-” He tries desperately.  
“I do! I do! It’s somewhere”  
He’s gone from a solid four cards to a solid eight. All lined up neatly.  
The door slides open and the pad of bare feet comes up behind him. Shiro’s hand slides out from under his.  
“Do you have any idea how to get the display settings up on Black? Because I did something to it and I’ve no idea what language it’s in now”  
Shiro’s face lights up at the voice and an unquantifiable amount of disappointment seeps through Curtis. He ignores it, turning with a smile to face the only person it could be at this hour looking for Shiro.  
“Just think really hard about it” Shiro shrugs. “That worked with me”  
Keith rolls his eyes. He has a smear of some opaque oil across his cheek and his hair is tousled. Shiro’s staring. “Yeah, I tried that. I think it might more of a physical problem”  
“Ask Pidge” Shiro says, trying to peek at a card while Curtis’ back is turned. He gives him a half hearted glare.  
“I did” Keith says. “She said ask you”  
Shiro winces. “Can I look in the morning?”  
Keith’s eyes drift over the cards and the whiskey, he smirks.  
“What’re you playing?”  
Shiro’s eyes widen.  
“Nothing”  
Keith grins. “Cards?”  
Curtis looks between them before offering “Uh, Cambio”  
“Cambio” Keith breathes it out like a threat. Shiro’s shoulders tense. “Cambio huh? I’ve not played Cambio in years”  
“And you’re not playing it tonight”  
Curtis gives Shiro a look, bemused and utterly taken aback. Keith gives a half hearted pout. This isn’t like their usual arguments but it isn’t like their usual banter either. It makes Curtis uneasy.  
Keith kicks a chair softly with his bare foot. “I guess” he gives a dramatic sigh “...I’ll go”  
Curtis’ stomach twist, he remembers Shiro’s words from a while ago about hearts of gold and best friends forever. He gives in.  
“You can join us?...If you want”  
Shiro throws him a death glare unlike anything Curtis has seen before. He flushes under the scrutiny.  
Keith pulls up a chair. “You know you’re meant to be getting rid of cards, right Shiro?”  
Curtis smiles.  
“You’re so dumb” he snaps at him. Keith sticks his tongue out as he deals himself in. Curtis just gapes.  
“You shouldn’t have invited me, Specialist. Takashi has a real thing about losing” Keith shuffles the cards with expert precision. Dealers tricks. “And he has a massive thing about losing to me”  
Shiro grinds his teeth but can’t help but smile.  
“It’s not a massive thing” He says. “It’s just a thing because you never let it go”  
“Because you lose your shit over it!” Keith says, laughing. “And it’s funny as hell. It’s like that monopoly game in the academy-”  
“Stop it” Shiro says, kicking Keith’s shin under the table.  
“You’ve played Cambio, uh, before?” Curtis asks, trying to regain some semblance of control over the situation.  
“Oh I love cards” Keith says.  
“He’s really good,” Shiro says. “He’s ungodly”  
Keith shakes his head and rolls his eyes. He turns to Curtis instead.  
“Shiro’s just bad. Shiro doesn’t understand rules-”  
“Says you, Keith Kogane” Shiro shouts. “Stop bad mouthing me to my subordinates!”  
Curtis scratches his chin and pours himself another shot. “You guys...sure know how to bicker”  
Keith gives him a sympathetic half smile. “I’ll play nice, Curtis”  
For some reason the words chill him to the core. As though he’s acquiescing more than the game  
The worst part is it’s fun. It’s really, really fun. Keith is hilarious when he’s alone with Shiro, their easy camaraderie is something that would be envied if it weren’t just so nice. Keith makes an effort to make sure Curtis gets let in on their little jokes even if Curtis can’t get a word in edgeways, even if It’s still hard not to see how entranced Shiro is.  
Keith makes an effort.  
They play a few rounds. Curtis trying to help Shiro even if Keith just talks over him.  
“No you can’t do that-” He snaps.  
“Just let him, it’s his first time” Curtis says, waving a hand wearily at Keith.  
Shiro looks between.  
“Just keep going” Curtis says, desperate to bury his head in his hands.  
Keith is good. He knows how to play cards. He’s fast and pays attention, lots of attention. It’s hard to trick him. He’s down to two cards five minutes in.  
“How in the hell did you…” Shiro points hopelessly at Keith and then his growing number of cards. “How did he do that?”  
Curtis can’t help but laugh. He’s never seen Shiro this irate and he’s seen him at war.  
“Stop laughing. Who’s side are you on here? What the hell Keith!”  
“He flipped-” Curtis’ voice dies into laughter at the pure shock and rage on Shiro’s face. “He’s- he’s just playing the game Shiro”  
Shiro gives Keith a suspicious look.  
“Don’t look at me like that, Shirogane” Keith takes Shiro’s whiskey and drinks it.  
“I’m going to kill you” He says and Keith rolls his eyes.  
“Empty threats” He says. “You see this, Curtis? You see this is a bad loser. This is a bad, bad loser. This is poker all over again”  
Shiro snarls, pointing a finger at Keith. “That’s- we’re not talking about that”  
Curtis turns to Keith. “What happened at poker?”  
Keith’s full attention on him is something he isn't quite prepared for. His direct gaze is intense. Curtis feels raw under it.  
“I kicked his ass and he was pissed”  
“You cheated!” Shiro roars.  
“Shiro- Shiro - shiro, Listen to me-” Keith tires, hands raised as they talk over one another. “I didn’t-”  
“I watched- You and Adam you-you ganged up on me- You especially, you just wanted to see me suffer, you bled me dry and then and then you acted all-”  
Keith is quiet with laughter, voice not making it out anymore. He squeaks.  
“No- Shiro…”  
Curtis waves a hand between them. “Shh shhh, You’re gonna wake people” he says, batting Shiro’s arm softly. “It’s midnight!”  
“Do you see what I mean about him?” Keith says to Curtis.  
“I wasn’t gonna expose him to this!” Shiro shouts before covering his mouth.  
Curtis smiles. “Well, it is authentic. I’m glad”  
Shiro turns on him. “Oh shut up, you”  
Keith grabs his arm, gentle and easy. “Come on, we’re almost done” he says.  
Those indigo eyes are full of such sincere kindness. Shiro breaks, smiling on an exhale. Curtis ignores how their gaze lingers.  
“Yeah ‘cos you’ve almost won” Shiro mutters, pouting. Keith catches Curtis’ eyes, mouthing ‘He’s a child’.  
They continue to play. Keith continues to tell little anecdotes about Shiro’s competitiveness and Shiro continues to deny them. They get rowdy every few rounds, voices rising until Curtis desperately tries to rein them in. Curtis hadn’t even noticed how far through the whiskey the two of them had gotten. He can’t be angry at Shiro for having fun, though and it is innocuous fun. Keith brings out a side of him he wouldn’t have shown otherwise. Even if everything is heightened and exhausting between the two of them. One end of the scale or the other or hidden behind layers of professionalism.  
It comes to a head when a red king is flipped and Shiro launches himself at the card he swapped at the beginning. Even if Keith’s hand’s are on it at the same time. They fight and slap each others hands away, going back for it before Shiro kicks Keith’s chair out on him and slams it on the pile as Keith lands on his back on the floor. Tears trailing into his hairline from laughing so hard. Shiro explodes out of his chair.  
“Suck it, Kogane! Suck it!”  
Keith rolls a little, clutching his sides.  
“Y-you-you’re insane” He manages between squeaks. 

Curtis just looks at the spilt drinks and the upturned chairs.  
They’re impossible. 

Keith wins the first round and saunters away to find something else to drink.  
“I’m sorry about him,” Shiro says with no ounce of sorry in his voice. Just sheer delight.  
“It’s fine,” Curtis smiles. “You’re... different,just the you two”  
Shiro waves his hand and shakes his head. “Adam always use to say he brings out the worst in me”  
For a moment his eyes darken. “There’s probably some truth to that”  
Curtis thinks about saying something. Thinks about trying to say that it’s okay or that he understands but he doesn’t. It takes all his will power not to be jealous. 

“Iverson gave me it”  
Shiro takes the bottle slowly.  
“Did he?” He akss, incredulous.  
“Yeah, he actually did. I gave him Cosmo”  
“Straight up? To keep?” Shiro says before laughing wildly at his own non-joke.  
Curtis chuckles. Keith just rolls his eyes.  
“It’s a fair exchange” Curtis says. “It’s a lovely...dog”  
“It’s a space wolf, Cur-tis” Shiro says as he misses his glass. Keith gives him a look before re-dealing the cards.  
“Shiro…” Keith says, admonishing before he just chuckles, touching his cheeks. “Gosh, I’m hot”  
Shiro looks close to saying something but he holds himself back. Curtis is more than glad.  
This round is a little more civil. Keith still drinks from Shiro’s glass instead of getting his own. Curtis still doesn’t mind.  
Keith still thrashes them both.  
“You’re so good at this” Shiro hisses.  
Curtis laughs. “He’s just playing the game Shiro and actually remembering his cards”  
Keith’s head whips to look at him and as he finishes another shot he lets out a soft laugh.  
“This ones a keeper, Shiro”  
Whether it’s sarcastic or not, Curtis can’t tell. 

Keith rolls up the sleeves on his hoodie.  
“Ow, bruises?” Shiro says gently, taking Keith’s arm, looking close. Curtis ignores his gut, winces sympathetically at how bad they look. They do look sore but Shiro’s touch is more than gentle.  
“Hm? Oh yeah, Griffin” He says as a way of explanation.  
“Oh” Shiro says, eyebrows knitting. “I see”  
Keith looks over, pulling his arm back. “Yeah, it was just...sparring”  
Curtis takes a sip of whatever Keith’s brought, ignoring how fast it goes to his head.  
“I thought you sparred with Shiro?” He asks, taking a card from the top.  
“Shiro’s an old timer-” Keith says, side eyeing.  
“You bitch” Shiro mutters, rolling his eyes.  
Curtis smiles, even if he’s not sure he should be.  
“James offers a lot”  
Shiro snorts. “Off course he does”  
Keith folds his arms, a smile ticking at the edge of his lips. “Hm?”  
Shiro looks over, eyebrow raised before he gives a soft smile.  
“He's so thirsty for you” Shiro says, shaking his head and swapping out a card before blinking to himself and looking down at his hands. His lip curls in something that looks like disgust.  
Keith notices, flipping out one of Curtis’ cards before he gets a chance to.  
“Damnit” Curtis hisses. “You’re so fast”  
Keith smiles but instantly addresses Shiro.  
“What’s wrong with that?” Keith’s gaze is sharper as he takes another sip.  
“Well…” Shiro shrugs. “I don’t know...I don’t know” He takes a long pause, before he turns to Keith. “Do you like him?”  
Keith blinks. “Uh, I dunno. I don’t hate him. Cambio”  
A pause.  
“And you’ll settle for that?” Shiro says.  
“Shiro” Curtis says, sharper than he means to. He chuckles to cover it up. “You sound like his dad”  
He flips out the wrong card and Keith taps the penalty pile.  
“Listen to your better half, Shiro” It’s a soft warning, Curtis realises. Keith’s hackles are rising.  
“He was such an asshole to you back in the academy” Shiro mutters.  
“He’s changed...God, I’m- You’re making defend James Griffin to you” Keith laughs, a little bitter. “Look it’s purely physical. If that’s what you want to hear”  
“Good” Shiro says simply.  
“Good?” Curtis says, unsure how to respond. “What does that mean?”  
Keith looks over at Curtis and then back at Shiro before he bites his lip. Shiro looks up sharply at Curtis and then motions to Keith.  
“He can do way better than James Griffin. I’m sorry, Keith, It’s true” .  
“You’re drunk” Curtis says. Although who he’s convincing he isn’t sure.  
“Who then?” Keith asks. A challenge.  
The room falls silent. The loudest thing seems to be Curtis’ heartbeat.  
Shiro’s eyes meet Keith’s as though begging him to let this go. Curtis’ watches how he swallows. Watches how Keith’s eyes flutter. Keith holds his gaze.  
“You were better off with Lance” He shrugs.  
Keith’s eyes narrow dangerously. “What would you know about that?”  
Shiro teeth grind almost audibly.  
“More than you’d think”  
Keith’s fist clenches on the table. Curtis realises how painfully out his depth he is. He almost wants to get up and go but that would draw attention to him now. He’s trapped , like a deer in headlights watching monster trucks go at it.  
Shiro takes another shot. Keith’s eyes follow his movements, flickering madly between his hand and his face. He looks unbearably hurt for a moment.  
“Stop it” Keith says, a quiet threat into the now sober air. Shiro speaks over him.  
“You have a type at least. Brown hair and in awe of you, kind of an asshole about it. Hell, at least Lance was nice to you. Even if the circumstances weren’t ideal-”  
Keith explodes. “It was one time, Shiro. It was one time!”  
Shiro turns on him. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare do that”  
“Do what?” Keith says, leaning across the table. It almost sounds like a taunt. His nails dig into the metal as though they could cut straight through it.  
“Lie to me!” Shiro barks back.  
“You were dead, Shiro!”  
The tension dispels at the way Keith’s voice breaks, eyes screwing shut and breath coming out harsh.  
Shiro looks ill, he goes silent but he looks so utterly devastated. Keith looks away, hissing between his teeth.  
“‘Cept I wasn’t” He’s never heard Shiro’s voice sound so weak before, so hurt and dejected.  
Keith’s nose twitches, as though he’s about to cry.  
“I’m going to bed” He stands and sways and Shiro catches his arm, standing with him.  
He wrenches away like it’s an insult, teeth bared before he takes a look at Curtis; he tries to close his mouth or hide is shock or act a little less like he’s witnessed something he shouldn’t have.  
Keith just closes his eyes and makes for the door.  
Shiro watches after him before sitting down. Letting out a sigh.  
“You should go after him” Curtis says softly, his own voice sound misplaced in the room.  
Shiro looks up, exhausted. “Believe me I shouldn’t”  
Curtis just shakes his head. “Okay”  
Silence spreads between them in a way it never has in all the time since this started. Doubt seeps into Curtis’ mind, flickers up like sickness inside.  
“Do you love him?” Curtis asks.  
“Huh?” Shiro exhales before he sits up straight, hauled out of his own thoughts. He reaches out, hand falling on Curtis’ shoulder. “What- who? Keith?”  
He nods, head heavy and eyes stinging.  
“What did he mean...” Curtis opens his mouth but can’t articulate. “God, I...I just wanna know what you’re keeping from me, how much you’re keeping from me”  
Shiro shakes his head. “Curtis I-”  
“You didn’t even answer the question” he murmurs. It dawns on him at that moment, in that very moment; He has no idea who Takashi Shirogane is. He has no idea.  
“No, god.I love him like a brother. We...we’ve always been close” Shiro shakes his head and sits up but the words sound rehearsed. False. “You know that”  
Curtis swallows.  
“I know”  
But he doesn’t know, not for certain and he’s feeling dreadful. Tired and heavy and unsure of himself for the first time in years. He doesn’t feel good enough for Shiro, he doesn’t feel like Keith Kogane and yet he can’t bring himself to give up. He’s much too selfish for that and after everything he’s lost and everything he’s sacrificed to be up here; his family, his planet. He prays he deserves this.  
“I love you” Shiro says and Curtis had always imagined the moment would have more to it. Much more weight and be less like an excuse and a way out. A way to keep things simple and the same.  
It’s obvious from the way he stares at Kogane that he doesn’t love Curtis, at least not exclusively. He should be horrified. He should push him away and tell him to go fuck himself but he can’t.  
He has a chance with Shiro right now. Right here.  
He’s not Keith. He doesn’t hold that kind of sway. If he leaves now Shiro won’t come running. He hates that it’s a factor in his decision.  
The world just ended. The universe may end soon and it feels as though it’s giving him one last chance at a stupid dream. 

“I love you too”


End file.
